Oh And I Can Show You This Too!

9 Weeks 6 Days 36 1/2 inches!

I Was A Bit Busy Driving Across The Continent

So I didn't have time to update and show this!
The heartbeat is 164bpm and I was only off by one day on how far along I was!

I'm So Excited And Anxious For Thursday.

Thursday we FINALLY leave this craphole state. It's also our next ultrasound! I'm so excited and nervous at the same time. Hopefully everything is going well in there. I feel like it is though. I get morning sickness occasionally (no vomiting thankfully), I still get the growing cramps, and the other typical pregnancy symptoms. I'm just really hoping that we get to HEAR the heartbeat this time too!

On A Happier Note

May I present OUR BABY!!!!!!!

The bright spot to the left of the point of the arrow is the heart.

This Is The Last Time I Will Acknowledge You

First off, let me just say that as everyone knows, I do not have herpes. And yes, Kerry has herpes as she has stated, but NO ONE IS PERFECT. Things happen that maybe we want to change, but since we can't, there is no point in feeling sorry for ourselves. I'm sure you all have friends that have done something regretful that they can't take back and can't change. So what.

Maybe I didn't make myself clear the first million times I said it. I do not care that you post anonymously. It shows the type of people you are. I'm not "freaking out" over it. You are the ones freaking out and getting defensive because I called you out on it. Besides, it's not like I don't know who you are and even if I didn't, it doesn't matter because none of you are worth anything to me. To put it bluntly you all make me sad for the human race. To sit here and have to show my blog to someone a year after it happened is pathetic. You even said it yourself, why are we even here? Well, why are you? What you all have gained by this is nothing but a little entertainment. How boring are your lives? If you say that is not the reason, you are lying. Why else would you fell the need to comment? Or was it because you guys were sitting around stoned and decided oh wouldn't it be funny...which still makes you no less pathetic. Time to grow up and stop smoking weed, at least one of you has children. That's not very responsible.

And J, why do you think whacko is insulting to me? Maybe if I had a mental issue it would be but since I don't it just sounds silly.

And for the "invite me to your crib"comment. Nice ghetto slang first off and like I've said before, I did it because I know that nothing would have come of it. I don't care who knows where I live. What would she have done? Nothing. Maybe don't act tough and say things like it's unfortunate that we live in the same city and then puss out when someone rises to the challenge if you will. And please, let's leave the kids out of this. Mines not even born yet for christ sake. And I'm sorry you feel sorry for my baby but what I say or do prior to being pregnant has nothing to do with what I would say or do after my baby is born.

And just because Army wives talk and Ambie knows about Amanda taking out her Mirena does not make her a stalker or sick. Would she still be as gross if Amanda was on the pill. No, she wouldn't. Big deal who is on what birth control and how they know. Just because it's happens to be in her uterus doesn't make her a pervert or something for knowing that. Grow up.

Also, I like how "OPOF" says that in 9 months she will gladly give me her e-mail to send my address. What took you so long? I certainly wasn't pregnant when I extended the invitation to you the first time. Again, it shows that you are all talk so you're 'I have no interest in hurting an unborn child' comment is not needed. You wouldn't do anything before so stop using my pregnancy as your excuse. Besides, as I'm sure you know, I won't even be in this piece of shit state anymore at that time. Sorry to disappoint you. I wanna know why you feel the need to get your panties in a twist and wanna threaten me like that anyway. Someone need anger management?

"She didn't even show me this bullshit site for months...she doesn't even give a shit about it" Hmm, if she doesn't give a shit, why did she show you and why do you all keep responding? Someone who doesn't give a shit wouldn't even still have this link let alone show it to other people, especially a year after the fact.

All the rest of it is between Ambie and you guys and Kerry and you guys. You can all sort it out how you feel fit but this is the last I want to see about this on my blog. You came out of nowhere to comment on a subject that has been forgotten attacking me for no reason. You must be very bored with your life to have to do that. I hope you feel more accomplished and more like a tough guy that you can anonymously comment someone you don't know.

Now, might I remind you that this was my blog to write about what I want to.

Lots of people do and if you need to continue this, make your own blogs and you can bitch about whatever you want to bitch about.

Oh, and about that TV, keep it. I have a much better TV. You must be too poor to buy your own.

P.S. Hope Amanda didn't charge you for it since she STOLE IT from me.

NOW EVERYBODY MOVE ON

Let's Stop Beating A Dead Horse Ok?

Lately this blog has gotten quite off track. What started as a blog to take out my frustrations of life and infertility has turned into a high school drama script.

A subject that was long since dead has been brought up again by a friend of the subject. There was no reason for this. I know that the subject and I still have our issues (due to the fact that she "lost" some of my things) but this doesn't mean she should give my blog link to a friend to have HER start with me almost a year later anonymously. (And I'M the childish one) And it doesn't stop there because I've had a total of 4 people commenting on here that I don't know who are obviously friends of the subject (although I don't know about the person from Maryland).

So ladies, if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to what my blog is really about. I'd like to celebrate my pregnancy. If Amanda has a problem still, tell her to contact me. She can contact me on myspace, facebook, or by phone if she wants. If she doesn't have a problem anymore, then let it go and if you feel the need to comment further, darkwater17@aol.com is my e-mail address, you can contact me there.

Hey One Pissed Off Friend

I see you visited my blog that you hate so much again today. Funny, for all your talk, I still haven't received your e-mail address so that I can send you my home address. Like I said before, all talk, no action.

Have a nice day!

First Doctor's Appointment Was A Little Disappointing.

Well no ultrasound. :( Not too upset by that cuz it's still very early but I am a bit angry that she didn't do a blood test. Just a pee test. I could've just given her one of the 9 I'd already taken. I would have been happy to know what my levels were though. Not to mention I've had 3 chemical pregnancies so she SHOULD have tested my levels to see if they are rising properly. All she did was tell me to stay on the Metformin til week 18 (I think) and that I will have an ultrasound on the 16th. I CANNOT WAIT!!!! We should even be able to see the heartbeat by then :) So far it's gone by pretty quick. It's already almost Friday so time seems to be going fast. I've taken some more tests since then and the line just keeps gettin darker :) It's basically just to ease my mind. Plus it's more fun to take them when 2 lines show rather than just one lol.

So far the symptoms have been really mild. Oddly, most of my nausea was right after ovulation and right after we found out. Right now I'm just cramping lightly (which is a wonderful reminder that Bean is growing nicely) and my boobs are killin me and gettin bigger and heavier, frequently going to the bathroom and I am very tired but I am loving every minute of this. Maybe I'll get lucky and never get morning sickness more than just nausea. I'd really enjoy not puking but if it happens, it happens.

Man, I can't wait til the 16th!!!

I Still Can't Believe It!

I am just over the moon right now and so is John. Every time he looks at me he just smiles and says you're pregnant. This is the greatest time of our lives. It's especially cool cuz we got our pregnancy story! We were waiting for John to get his second SA and we couldn't BD for 3 (well now it's 5 apparently) days. I felt myself ovulate and we decided not to chance it since we had a doc appointment comin up and wanted the results by then. Well, we just decided last minute to not wait and I am SO glad we made that decision! And all of this comes days before our IUI consultation!!!! I'm so excited I'm not even sure if this post makes any sense lol. My due date is 7/11/10 and I am REALLY hoping that since I've had 3 chemical pregnancies before that she'll do an ultrasound on the doc appointment on Monday or VERY shortly after. I can't wait to see the results of my Beta!!!!!

I'M PREGNANT!!!!!

Yes, I am FINALLY PREGNANT!!!!!!

Almost A Year Later, REALLY?

Today I checked my spam mail and came across a comment on a blog entry from December 17th 2008.

Regular is her and bold is my much awaited response.

Hi,
I was shown your blog by a friend of a friend of one of your blog’s subjects: Amanda. You have never met me so don’t try to sit there and think about who this could be. That would be unnecessary.

(Almost as unnecessary as going through almost a years worth of blogs?)


After having a quick skim through your unedited and atrociously-written blog, I have come up with a few more things for you to “learn about yourself”… maybe you could add them to your super-awesome list?


1)Your inability to conceive is utterly fortunate. Stop victimizing yourself hun, another one of you in this world would be nothing short of tragic. (Oh, and displaying your fucking “cycles” on the internet is deplorable. Fucking idiot. You have a whopping FIVE people following you on here…do you think they care? They don’t, I promise).

Victimizing myself? Ok. I think it's time that people get new insults BECAUSE it's nothing I haven't heard before. Another one of me would be tragic? At least I would take care of my kids. Also, PLENTY of women display their cycles on the internet. Take a look around some infertility blogs and you'd see that. And the 5 people that follow me are only the people that also have blogs. I have plenty of people that read my blog that care about me (and apparently those that dislike me too) ;)

2)You really must be a badass. I mean look at yourself. All those scathing and contemptuous sentences! You must have really showed her! ..... Pshh! RIGHT! You know, if I were Amanda, the first thing I would do upon discovering all of your undignified blog-entries is take a trip down to the courthouse to file a police report. Internet-harassment isn’t legal bitch. Frankly it only makes you look self-indulgent and juvenile.

Didn't you just do the same? Only you did it nearly a year after the fact so who is the self-indulgent and juvenile one?

3)You need a somewhat large lesson in grammar and sentence-construction. Replacing words like “because” with “cuz” only shows that you have no education (or class for that matter)… and that right there is yet ANOTHER reason that hillbilly-bitches like you shouldn’t breed.

I'm sorry, next time I will take the time to correctly write everything just for you. I sincerely apologize for not doing so the first time. Hillbilly? I'm from the North sweetie and I have an excellent education.

P.S. sentence construction does not need to be hyphenated.

4)You are ugly (on the inside and most certainly on the outside). I don’t know if anyone has given you the memo but you should just know that behaving in such a way on the internet doesn’t make you anything but useless and cowardly. If you have said all of this to Amanda’s face, why do you feel the need to post it on the damn internet? Are you that insecure? What are you hoping to accomplish? Think about that.

What is this Kindergarten? I said all this on the internet BECAUSE I wanted everyone to know what was going on BECAUSE all these Army Wives like to start rumours and say things that aren't true and blow things WAY out of proportion. I wanted them to see exactly what was going on. Simply rumour control.

5)Your tattoo looks trashy as fuck and I hope you regret it, because if you don’t, you should. It only accentuates your tasteless facade.

Tattoo? I have more than one which I can assume that you know about since I'm sure you went and stalked my myspace or you wouldn't know what I look like. I do not regret a single tattoo and I didn't get them for anyone but myself so if you think they are trashy, that's fine. It's your opinion and you are entitled to it. I along with many other people, find them beautiful.

Well, I suppose that I could go on (and on)… but I’ll go ahead and let you respond because I know your facetious little fingers will have something to say about this. Presumably, you will be interested to know the origin of my IP address so I’ll just let you know beforehand that I too live in Fairbanks… and for you, that’s a little unfortunate.

I truly hope to see you soon :o)

Hmmmm, wasn't it you a little bit ago that said that internet harassment is illegal? I do believe that is a threat. However, since I'm not a pussy who hides behind an anonymous name, I will extend this invitation to you: If you want my address, you got it. I will gladly send it to you. I'm sure you'd do nothing with it though BECAUSE I am sure you are like most girls in this town, ALL TALK AND NO ACTION.

Can't wait to meet you!

P.S. Using facetious in that context doesn't really work.

My Diagnonsense

I went for my follow up for my heart today. I ended up leaving with a completely unexpected prescription. I left with a prescription for Celexa. Awesome. For those who don't know, that is an anti-anxiety, anti-depression med. Apparently the reason my heart is so out of whack (my heart monitor showed my lowest heart rate at 61bpm and my highest 161bpm) is because the little receptor that gets signals from your brain is basically malfunctioning and instead my backup receptors are firing at will causing my heart to spaz out. So, he's hoping that the Celexa will get my anxiety (caused basically by OCD) under control. (Personally I think it's a dehydration issue). I'm not thrilled with taking this medication at all but I guess I'm taking it anyway. Who knows, maybe this will be what I need to get pregnant. Man, I can't wait to stop saying that.

I'm not comfortable at all with stopping all my habits. If these pills get rid of my OCD, I don't know what I am gonna do. I'm stressed out because this has been a part of me for most of my life. It's who I am. These pills are basically gonna change who I am and I don't know that I am too comfortable with that. Yes, it is annoying to check things a million times and to have to even everything out and yes, I could probably sleep better if I didn't have to breathe on my other arm because I was breathing on other arm first, but, that is me, I am comfortable with that. But the doctor said not to focus on that cuz if I do, the pills won't work.

P.S. The only silver lining in my day was apparently, there is a doctor on post who does artificial insemination. So hopefully I can maybe get that done before I leave Alaska.

Can I Just Say Again...

How much I LOVE Metformin. I have so much energy! At first, it made me very sleepy and from referencing Dr. Google I would be sleepy for a bit and then I would get energy. They weren't kidding. This pill is awesome. I have energy, I am sleeping regularly and I'm in a great mood cuz of it all. Of course it helps that it is gorgeous outside with the leaves changing, bright sunshine, and warm AND the fact that it's a week til John comes home! Right now I couldn't love my life more than I do right now. I'm even feeling pretty confident with TTC. I actually am not one bit concerned about it today. If we get pregnant when he comes back we do, if not, well, that's just ok with me right now. Odd I know but I'm more concerned with spending time with John and then my mother in law and niece are coming up at the end of the month so I guess me getting pregnant isn't in the front of my mind right now. Plus the fact that he is staying in the Army and we have insurance to cover the meds and financial security eases my mind too. I don't feel so rushed anymore. I think this is going to be one great year from here on out. He comes home, we get visitors, then we leave here for a cross country trip to Louisiana, drop our stuff off, and then it's off to Buffalo for a while, and then we settle in the nice, warm south for a couple years. Ahhhh, life is good.

What A Month This Is

So my husband comes home in about a week. I was looking at my chart and since I'm now on Metformin I SHOULD (cross your fingers) have a 28 day cycle hopefully with a textbook ovulation on CD14. Well, I've been stressin about him coming home later than he was supposed to cuz we'd miss our first possible chance at getting pregnant but, I've come to find that if he comes home on the 13th, THAT IS CD14! Holy crap. This is all so much. I got my Metformin, he's coming home, and I could be pregnant by the end of this month. WHOA. Everyone think positive thoughts!!!!!!!

P.S. Even if I don't O til CD21, we'd still have our shot but maybe this is my chance to FINALLY have my awesome baby story.

New Doctor, I Love You.

So far. He put me on METFORMIN!!!! Funny thing is I wasn't even going to the doctor pertaining to fertility. I ended up in the ER because my heart was racing and with the family history, my husband was concerned and thought I should go. So I went and the first thing they do is hook me up for an EKG cuz, as the nurse said, she wanted to 'see if my heart is really racing'. I looked at her thinking, I think I know damn well when my heart is racing but ok, do it up. Sure enough, my heartbeat was at 136 to which she says, 'I guess your heart really is racing'.

^^
00
0

So they ask me all kinds of questions about family history and if my legs hurt and if I've had any numbness or pain anywhere. I told them chest pains come sometimes and my fingers on my left hand tingle. My diagnosis for that? Carpal Tunnel. Awesome. So they gave me a wrist brace.

Anywho.

They decide to take some blood from me. Well as it turns out, I am pretty dehydrated so on top of blood work, I need an IV too. So they try to find a vein and it ain't goin so well. I told them I have a good one on the side of my wrist and to give that a try. The nurse tries and he must have missed the vein cuz pretty much nothing came out. (Might I just add that OW that is not a fun spot to get stuck with a needle). So they keep trying. Two guys couldn't find it and at this point I'm like, hey guys, I can just go home and chug some water, but apparently that's not the way to do things. So, a chick nurse comes in and gets one in my left hand much to the relief of me cuz they dudes were talkin of doin a femoral IV or one in my foot. Ick. They give me one bag of IV fluid and after many hours, I am sent home with a wrist brace and a doctor's appointment. Also, an appointment for an ECG.

So I go to my doctor's appointment and my doctor is asking me the same questions the people at the ER asked me and then he asks if my cycles are always this irregular. I was like, uh, yeah, I have PCOS. So he then asks if anyone has ever mentioned Metformin to me. I told him that my last doctor wouldn't put me on it cuz they have protocols to follow and blah blah blah. He didn't seem too pleased with that and he told me I am giving you a prescription for Metformin today. (YES!) He also decided to do blood work to check my hormones again to see where I'm at. (double YES!)

So I have to go back next month for a follow up and I have an appointment Monday for an ECG (he says he hears a murmur when I'm lying down but not when I'm sitting up) and I guess I find out the results of my hormone test when I go back.

I can't tell you how beyond happy I am that I got put on these pills! Well, except for the nausea and the bathroom issues, I'm happy. Hopefully this is what I need to get pregnant.

New Car

We just got a new car the other day. It's an 09 Cobalt. We had to get rid of our Jeep due to the fact that it was takin a shit. The driver side window's regulator has been broken since July of last year, it sat all winter and needed an oil change BAD, and the transmission was on it's way out. Book value of it was only $2800 but due to all the scratches and everything wrong with it we only got $400 dollars for it. I'm thinkin we kinda got screwed on buying it. It was used and it's an 01 but we paid $10,000 for it only 2 years ago. Eh, oh well. At least now we have a safe, reliable, NEW car that I know will make it across the country no problem. Plus it has On-Star and XM radio. Only thing we have to get used to is there are no power windows or locks.


P.S. My hubby comes home in less than a month!

Coincidence?

So I'm lame and take all those quizzes on facebook. I especially make a note to take them when they pertain to babies and such. It seems everyone I take I get multiples as my result and I've noticed they also say I will have them in December of 2010. Hmmmm. Is this a coincidence or is someone trying to tell me something? It's nice to think about and it's totally possible. We PCS to Ft. Polk (John is re-enlisting for those that don't know) in November and we get there by January. If I start aggressively doing fertility treatments when we get there, this is a total possibility.

Ha.

You think by now I'd stop trying to get my hopes up.

Especially with stupid facebook quizzes.

Still it's nice to dream...

Happy 4th Of July!!!!!!

I really hate when people bitch and moan about this country and yet continue to live here. If you don't like our military, maybe you'll like the military in some other country. Go enjoy civil wars in Ethiopia. If you don't like capitalism, go enjoy communism in North Korea, or Cuba. (Cuz North Korea isn't all about war and bombing the shit out of us). Seriously, people need to educate themselves about world affairs. Yes, were arrogant at times and yes there is a good number of us that are overweight, But you know what? We earned that. We aren't having any civil wars that are causing our children to starve (like in some third world countries). Also, I'm pretty sure there is no genocide going on in this country like in Africa. Better yet, why don't you go live in Iraq where if you played soccer and you didn't win you'd be tortured or killed. Of course this was during Saddam's rule, ya know, BEFORE our military men and women (including my husband might I add) got there. But we're the bad guys in the world right?

Seriously, if you think you hate this country, go research other countries. You say we're obsessed with war and National Security, well why don't you just go see what other countries are obsessed with war and National security. (And nuclear weapons).

Am I saying our country is perfect? Am I saying we don't need to change some of our laws to better our country? Hell no. But I am proud to live here and proud of the freedoms I have and I realize that NONE OF THIS came for free!

Sincerely,
PROUD ARMY WIFE
Jenn Martek.

I Will NEVER Understand

Why pregnant women (especially women who went through infertility and then get pregnant) bitch about their weight. Uh, hello. There's a BABY in there. Of COURSE you are going to gain weight. Yes, people will notice. But why be ashamed or annoyed by it?I cannot WAIT for the day when someone comes up to me and says oh my god you're huge! I will get the biggest smile knowing my baby is showing for the world to see. My body (which I've already sacrificed) is just not as important as a baby.

Wow. Go Me.

I completely forgot that I put my comments under moderation. Then I realized I had comments from about a month ago waiting to be approved. So thanks for the comments. My bad lol. It's just the blonde in me. :)

Could This Be Happening?

I had Ovulation pains on Sunday, and now I'm starting to get other symptoms proving I ovulated! Woot Woot! Could I be finally becoming regular?!

CD1

Yay.

And Yet, Once Again...

I'm not pregnant. By some crazy twisted chance, I ovulated while John was home on leave. Of course the awesomness of that story ends there. Just at that. I ovulated when John was home. Here I am 2 weeks later and guess who is not pregnant. Why does our awesome story have to end there? If it were anyone else they'd be saying, 'oh yeah, by some crazy chance I ovulated in the small 2 week period that my husband was home and now we're pregnant!' How come all these people get the awesome "I beat the odds" stories. Like the people who go to the doctor cuz they can't get pregnant and then they take the test at the doctor's and they end up being pregnant.

Where's OUR awesome pregnancy story? 

It's That Time Of Year Again

When everyone is pregnant but me.

It's Almost That Time

Hubby will be home soon!!!! I CANNOT wait!

I Want

Babies. End of story.

Public Again

Cuz I just don't care anymore who reads this.

Update

Nothing to really update just thought I'd post since it's been a while. 

Jenna's big 2-1 is tonight and it's gonna be a blast. We got a bus type limo complete with karaoke machine. It will no doubt be a blast.

That's about it. 

Southern States And Snow

Man oh man people were NOT kidding when they said that when it snows a little bit in a southern state shit gets shut down! My flight was at 9:56am. All is well and even after only an hour and a half of sleep, I'm ready to go. It was chilly, and it was raining. (As it has been for 3 days). We get to the airport on time and it is packed. We get up to the computer check in (cuz everyone knows humans are overrated) and we go to sign in.

Please see agent...

Awesome.

So we go to see an agent but have no idea where to go cuz in the grand tradition of airports, it's confusing as hell in there. We decide since we got a minute or so to go check out the monitors to see if my flight is still on time.

CANCELED
CANCELED
CANCELED
CANCELED
CANCELED
CANCELED

Damn near EVERY flight (including mine) is canceled. I was baffled. I couldn't imagine how all these flights were canceled. It wasn't bad outside and there wasn't any fog. What could possibly be the cause?

Then I remembered I was in Georgia.

I look up the weather conditions and there it is: Winter Weather Advisory. AKA there is no way in hell you are leaving here today.

So we go to the line that looks right (cuz again, humans are overrated) and we wait. And wait and wait and wait and wait. FOR 3 HOURS. Finally we get up to the counter and I told her I was on flight 1612 and she goes oh, it was canceled.

.....

No SHIT! Let's put aside the fact that my flight would have left AN HOUR AGO, but there are these monitors that are showing nothing but red. Of course I know my flight is canceled!

I said I am assuming the flights were canceled due to the weather (it was snowing/sleeting by this point) and she goes, Yeah, I just don't know why they didn't get the morning flights out before it started snowing. It would have been fine. I said I'm guessing you're not from here and she goes No, New York. 

I felt a bit better at that point knowing there was someone else that understood the ridiculousness of the situation. So she goes to reschedule my flight and the earliest one was for tomorrow at 8:22pm. I said I'll take it. Had a little scare when she said someone already took it but then she said she got it. 

Last seat left.

It's not that I would mind staying another day or week for that matter, it's just that I HATE my schedule being messed up.

Oh yeah, and I HATE flying.

Funniest thing though was when I was waiting in line, there was a couple behind us who had called their friend while they were waiting. She ends up showing up (in her pregnant glory might I add. Nothing like adding insult to injury) and she is going on about how it looks like snow but it feels like rain and how it was sooo weird.

LOL.

Apparently people around here have never heard the word sleet before. Hahaha.

It's Not Fair!!!

How can one believe in god when a wonderful person gets her babies snatched away from her at 19 weeks? IT'S NOT FAIR! I'm so angry for her and my deepest condolences go out to her and her family. I'm so sorry.

Excuse Me While I Toot My Own Horn

I've lost 13 pounds since John has been gone! 

The Epitome Of Babies Having Babies

I don't even know what to say to this so I will just leave a link.

Click here for the story

WTF

Tell me how one can support a child if she can't even buy a V-Day present for her boyfriend? Babies having babies. Tragic really.

Celebrities! Use Your Powers For Good, Not Publicity

As I was searching around on the internet, I found out that Victoria Beckham apparently has PCOS (and she's not the only one). I find it utterly amazing that with all the buzz around her and her husband, this is not one of the topics ever discussed. Although, I think she's not the best person to be the spokesperson for it. She has 3 or 4 kids now? That doesn't help with the infertility aspect of it (even though there is a possibility she has done IVF or at least some fertility treatments, but god forbid should she admit she isn't superhuman). Why don't celebrities talk about these things? They will openly come out about having cancer, but they can't admit to having PCOS? What is there to be ashamed about? I'm not ashamed. I will admit, I feel horrible for not being able to give my husband a child and our parents a grandchild, but if someone asks why we don't have kids yet, I tell them. Infertility in general seems to be a topic that most people won't admit to. Why? Is it because it is not commonly known? Is it because it is not life threatening? Well, in my opinion, it is life threatening. It is threatening the little life that could be. Not to mention, PCOS isn't just infertility and shitty symptoms. It can lead to diabetes, heart disease, increased risk of miscarriage, increased risk of gestational diabetes, and uterine cancer. (Nothing life threatening about any of those [hello, sarcasm]).

I just hate how these celebrities have all this power and have so many people hanging on every word they say and yet, they don't talk about this? Give em cancer and they will cry to anyone who will listen and milk it for all the publicity it's worth. Maybe that's it. Lack of sympathy. Not too many fertiles out there have an understanding on why this hurts us. A lot of people look at it as, well, the world is overpopulated enough, big deal. Or big deal, at least you're not dying. No sympathy for you. 

Ok, if that is the case, then why is there so much awareness about erectile dysfunction? It is a form of infertility in guys. If they can't get it up, that can't have sex, which means, no baby for you (by traditional means). There are a lot of Christians out there and Christians are brought up to believe that sex is simply for making babies, nothing else. You aren't gonna tell me that most of the men suffering from this are going on pills for procreation alone. But then here you have women with PCOS who are trying to have babies and procreate, and yet, no help or publicity for us. Why? Is it because it's more complicated than ED? Is it because it doesn't have the possibility of death the way cancer does? 

I just wish some celebrities would start doing something about this. Like, instead of Maury doing a show on Paternity tests, maybe he could do one on infertility. As long as he doesn't do as piss poor a job as Tyra did on her show on infertility that made it all look like people are getting too worked up and that is why they didn't get pregnant, I'd be happy. Did anyone see that episode? She had the chick from The Bachelorette on there and the way I took her story, was they were just not timing it right. That does NOT equal infertility.

But why doesn't Oprah do a show on it? The whole world listens when she talks and she of all people should have a show on it because maybe she could put a diet book on there for women with PCOS.

And Angelina Jolie. Instead of helping third world countries, maybe she could raise awareness about infertility. Even if she doesn't have it, I don't care. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. You know anyone would listen to whatever you have to say.

Maybe I'll just do something about it. Maybe I'll raise awareness. Maybe I'll start doing talk shows. But I'm just one person, who isn't famous. Who would listen to me?

Reason For Going Private

I know it's still far away from John being home and us actively TTC again, but I just decided that I really don't want everyone and their brother reading my problems with it. Obviously we are going to give it a shot while he is home on leave. It's going to be one of those, if it happens, it happens sort of things. No planned cycles. It would be too stressful to sit there and plan out when I need to have my cycle. Plus, I'd have to do BC and I am not going to go back on that stuff unless I truly, truly have to.

I guess it's just going to be a very personal time in my life and I don't need the world to know about it just yet. I don't really want my failures out here for the world to see. (Especially for the people who read this who know me, but aren't friends with me). If we are successful, then I will open it up to help anyone who is going through the same thing. It could maybe inspire them or offer them hope. I just don't see how much help my blog could be to others if we are not successful. 

Maybe I'll change my mind by the time he gets home and will want to share everything, the good and the bad, with everyone. But, for now, it's just us.

The Three Month Plan

I'm not sure I have mentioned my good old 3 month plan for getting through this deployment. (I might have to someone in a comment but I'll do it again). I've given myself key things to look forward to in order to make this all go by quicker.

It's starts with Day 1. Now, as I was looking forward to going home, I was looking forward to visiting my sister more since I haven't seen her in a while and I haven't actually been to Georgia. SO, from the day he left to the day I got to Georgia...3 months. (Well, minus a day).

From the day I got to Georgia til the time I leave won't be three months and as I am looking forward to going back, I have another goal in mind. Jenna's 21st birthday. My girl is hittin the big two- one and I plan on helping her plan out the ridiculous shenanigans that will be occurring that night/morning.  This will take place just one week shy of 3 months from the time I got to Georgia. 

Then, in the next portion of three months something wonderful is going to happen. John will come home for leave. We're not 100% sure when yet but it looks like about a month after Jenna's birthday he should be home. 

BUT...

The next 3 month mark is going back to Alaska. After John leaves I am going back to Alaska. Depending on when his leave is, it could cut into May so I will be going back to Alaska in June. I think I might start looking now for tickets to catch em while they are cheap (hi, my name is Jenn, I'm a tightwad). This will be 3 months to the day that I left Georgia. 

THEN....

He comes home!!!!!!

Not sure when but I am not plannin on any earlier than September 1st. I'm hoping, but I don't think it will happen. That will be 3 months to the day that I got back to Alaska.

Makes it sound so short, huh? I wish. I can't believe how slow and fast time is going. But isn't that always the way of it? I look back and realize he has been gone for over 4 months now and it's like, holy shit it's been 4 months already?! Kinda feels like it flew by. It certainly doesn't feel like it though while you are trying to get to these points. Example, he comes home already in like 2 months. I like how I say "already" as if he's only been gone a couple weeks, not a couple months. Sometimes it feels like it, most times it doesn't. 

Now, how do I feel about him taking leave so late into the deployment? Good. I look at it this way, yes, he will be gone for about 7 months by the time I see him, but, it will only be about 4-5 months until I see him again. I like it that way better. As much as I'd love to see him sooner, I'd rather wait so that it will be less time he will be gone the next time I have to say goodbye. (Which I am dreading by the way).

Plus, last time he went he took leave early...and then got extended. He was taking no chances this time and I'm just fine with that.

*As I sit here I realize that I am mentally blocking out the months he will be there past his leave. I gotta get outta that mindset cuz I know he has to go back. I can't look at it as if he is coming home and that's it. Or maybe I am lookin at it as, those months are gonna feel just like the first 4 did.. Slow while it's happening, but feeling as if they flew by in the end. 

Or maybe I am just too damn anxious to get this thing over with already. 

I Think I Just Fell In Love WIth Hilary Duff

So, apparently, since Hollywood these days is all about remakes of movies, they want to do a sort of "remake" of Bonnie and Clyde based off of old news clippings and such. Well, original "Bonnie", Faye Dunaway is pretty pissed they picked Hilary Duff to star and said "Couldn't they at least cast a real actress". Ouch. Well, upon hearing this and doing an interview, Hilary Duff responded with, "I think my fans that are going to go see the movie don't even know who she is, so you know... I think it was a little unnecessary but I might be mad if I looked like that now too". 

Double Ouch! 

Hahahahahaha!!!!! 

Here We Go Again

I just finished my last cigarette. I'm quitting smoking again. No, this isn't some New Year's resolution or anything either. It's just smart. Especially with trying to conceive. It's stupid not to. Plus I figure there is no better time than now to do so due to the fact that I probably won't be talking to my hubby as much as I used to. (I guess that's what I get for getting so excited about how much I get to talk to him) 

I figure with the vitamins I am about to start and with us obviously giving it a shot when he is on leave and then going at it super aggressively when he gets back, me still smoking is just not going to help. Even aside from TTC it's just seriously bad for me. I just really hope that I can stick to it this time and that he can quit when he comes home. (I don't expect him to do it now)

Oh boy.

Spam With A Side Of Creepy Guys

Is anyone else gettin uncontrollable spam in their AOL inbox? Since the New Year, I get at least 15 or more pieces of spam mail a day. How in the hell do I get rid of them? They aren't even the kind where you can open them and scroll to the bottom and hit unsubscribe. They are so stupid. "You have a check waiting for you" or "Your payment for yada yada yada has been sent to a different bank somehow" blah blah blah blah blah. I seriously need to get rid of these. I don't want to get rid of the e-mail address cuz I have certain things connected to that address but I don't want these e-mails anymore. Eh, I'll figure it out.

The other thing that really is annoying me is getting random requests from guys on myspace. Ok, just because you think I look hot in my default pic does NOT mean I want to be friends with you. I'm MARRIED and not to mention, I have myspace to keep up with friends and family, not to see how many friends I can get. Usually I just deny the friend requests and go about my day. However, I got a friend request from a guy today that I had already denied about 2 weeks ago. To make it worse, he is 43 and super creepy looking. I couldn't just let it rest so I messaged him and said why are you friend requesting me? He read it, but hasn't responded. Just because there are myspace whores out there that want 5098560897569 friends, doesn't mean I am one of them. Oh, and just to let ya know dude, it doesn't mean they really wanna be your friend. You are nothing but a number to them.

I guess maybe I'd be less annoyed if they had good reason to even think about requesting me. I had one guy send me one so I messaged him and asked who is this? He responds with I'm just trying to build my mob. Are you fucking kidding me? What, are you trying to be the godfather of all myspace? How lame are you? And what makes you think I want to be a part of that when I don't even know you. Not to mention I don't even have the stupid app. 

I'm just finding myself losing patience with so many things lately. 

Damn deployment.

The Long Awaited Psychic Post

OK. So I went to a psychic a little while ago and had my cards read. First, let me tell you even despite the fact that I got all good news, it was awesome. It was like talking to someone I had known all my life. She knew instantly that John and I wanted a baby boy and she also said we're gonna get him. I think I am gonna do this in a bit of a bulleted list kinda way just to make it easier.

-She told me I need to switch my gyno. She said that she sees a man helping us out, not a woman. I can totally see that cuz my doc now is NOT helping.

-Guided meditation. Go figure, she said I am a bit too stressed out and while it obviously isn't the main reason I have not gotten pregnant, it isn't helping.

-Babies. She sees babies! She said it looks like it could be up to 4 of them. She sees a little boy first (YAY) and then very shortly after, a little girl. She said it doesn't look like twins though. (Little bummed over that but I will take what I can get). She said the boy will be big and while the little girl will be very tiny, she will be healthy. Only bad part was she said she sees it taking a bit of work. At one point she said for some reason I am seeing eggs going into you but I don't know why. I said that sounds like IVF and she didn't know what it was so I explained it to her and she goes, well there ya have it. Hopefully it won't take IVF but if it gets to that point, at least that's as far as it will get. I Just hope it's MY eggs that are being used.

-Our marriage. She said we have a wonderful marriage and we are gonna make for the long haul. She said we will have some hurdles here and there but come on, who doesn't? She said he is an amazing man who is just full of support and she is so right.  She said most of our problems will be military related (go figure) and it's mostly cuz of the distance. She told me I need to share my feelings more with him about my dealing with the deployment and in our TTC journey. She said that what kills him more is knowing that I am so upset by the fact that we are having troubles havin babies so I need to talk it out with him. (Ack). I'm trying though.

-Health. She said we are both going to be healthy. She did say we both need to protect our hearts (she says mine is good, just not as strong as it could be) but she sees no major problems arising. She said we both need to cut out the soda and he especially should stay away from artificial sweeteners. She gave us a list of herbs and stuff to try out and I believe we are going to. One that can benefit everyone is green tea. She said it has wonderful anti-cancer benefits. She also said coffee is good for both of us.

-Money. She said with a career change will come money. She said we won't be celebrity rich or anything but we will be very well off. How exciting is that? His career change is coming in about a year. I'm so glad we will be ok with money. Especially with babies coming eventually :)

I think that covers it all.

All in all it was an amazing experience that I am so glad I did. Oddest thing was I found myself being much more emotional than I usually am. Maybe it was all the good news. I don't know. All I know is when she was layin out the cards I had shuffled and she put down a card and said there it is, that's you being a mommy, I just wanted to cry. It's still gets me. I think just knowing that I will be a mommy will take some of the stress off TTC. I really hope she is right and I just have this feeling she will be.

Holy optimism :p

Where Is Jenn And What Have You Done With Her

I am slowly being taken over by the feminine hormones in my body. I have bought 3 dresses and 2 pairs of shoes in the past month. (Dressy shoes, not sneakers). Anyone who knows me knows that this is very unusual behaviour. Alas, I'm really diggin the 40s pin up look these days. The shoes, the clothes, the hair. Everything. I guess the jeans and t-shirt phase of my life is over.

.

.

.

.

.

Well maybe.

I Miss You

Today is one of those I miss you days. I can't lie, everyday is an I miss you day but some days are worse than others. It's amazing how many things you take for granted. A hug, a kiss, a smile. It's amazing what you find yourself missing once you no longer get to experience it on a daily basis. It sucks.

I guess I'm still waiting for that whole, "it gets easier" portion of the deployment. When exactly does that take place? I know it's only (only...ha) been 4 months, but I still miss him just as much as the first second he was gone. I wanna be able to kiss him when I feel like it, or cuddle on the couch just because. I wanna have our life back. I wanna be able to tell him something that happened the second it happens. I hate having to wait to tell him something. Especially when my piece of shit memory doesn't always let me remember until it's too late. 

I guess I really can't complain though. We talk everyday and it's at least twice a day on the phone and most times twice on the internet as well. You don't have to tell me how lucky I am. I was blessed with a wonderful husband who wakes up earlier than he needs to just to call me so we can talk longer than half an hour on the phone and so we can talk for sometimes more than an hour on the computer after that.            

I know this is only temporary, but it feels like forever. I just want him home now. I'm really dreading the end of his leave. How can it be easier (as I've been told) to let him go the second time? I know it's shorter from when he leaves then til when I get to see him again but it's still too damn long. Why can't it just be a 6 month deployment? If it was, he'd be home in 2 months. 

Ugh, I can't wait for this all to be over.

Man, I Hate Being A Woman

Ugh. Please remind me why women have to suffer through this in order to get pregnant. It makes it even better when it's been 4 months and the cramps are enough to make you kill someone (lets keep sharp objects out of reach) and I'm not sure that FF really understands the definition of heavy. I need a "I just lost every ounce of blood in my body" option. I need a portable toilet cuz these awesome fem products just ain't working too well. I'd be better off in a diaper (which it feels like I am wearing anyway). Blah, can't wait til this is over.

P.S. No one better say to me that I'm lucky that I only got it 4 times in the span of a year and that I'm lucky it's been 4 months. No, if I was lucky, I'd not be getting it cuz I was pregnant. 

Finally!!!

Cycle Day 1. That was the second longest cycle I ever had. 139 days. 

By The Way

Is it a presidential requirement that your wife be ugly and dumpy?

And they say she has great fashion sense...

Oh.My.God

No Doubt is going on tour this summer with Paramore! 

Huge, huge, HUGE fan of No Doubt. I hope they go somewhere I will be around.

Really?

They're making Britney Spears change the name of her single If You Seek Amy. (Say it slowly and you'll get it). 

How come she is expected to change her song's title but rappers can continue to degrade women left and right? I get that she is aimed at a younger audience but come on. She's not 16 anymore, she has an older fanbase now. I think the parents should have realized this by now if that is what the big problem is.  It just really upsets me that she has to change her song's title. If this was a rapper's song, especially a male rapper's song, they would never make them change it. Ugh.

Tarot Reading

I went to a psychic today and got a tarot reading done and I got nothing but good news!!!! I am so excited! I'll go into details later but I am soooo excited and happy!!!

What Is Wrong With The World

I don't know if anyone watches stupid reality TV like me, but I watched Rock of Love Charm School and I saw almost every episode and I missed the reunion. Anyway, on the reunion show, Sharon Osbourne got into a fight with Meagan. (She's the annoying, ditzy blonde girl who uses her "hot" body to manipulate guys and try to get her way with everything). What happened was, Sharon told her she shouldn't breed. (LOL!) I completely agree with that. Call me a modern day feminist but, women who use only their looks to get around aren't worth shit to the world...but,

getting back to what happened, Meagan made a comment about Ozzy and Sharon didn't like that too much so she poured her drink on her and attacked her LOLOLOLOL!!! Go Sharon! But the point here is I was watching related videos on youtube and I came across a person who just kept sayin that Sharon got no class (Yeah, and you got no grammar). Then in the comments, there are tons of people saying they like Meagan and feel bad for her and blah blah blah.

WTF.

I'm not saying that Sharon went the right route with what she did, but at least someone finally put this crazy bitch in her place. I just don't see how anyone could like her. Must be the same people who love and worship Paris Hilton.

I just don't know what to say about America. I am going to make sure I teach my kids that brains are the way to get ahead, not sex appeal. Now, I'm not saying that you can't use what ya got a little (cuz that would make me a bit of a hypocrite) but don't let that be your only way. Believe it or not, REAL men like BRAINS. They want to be able to hold a conversation for more than 2 seconds and they want to talk about more than how awesome it is that your shoes match your bra.

I'm seriously considering moving out of the country. 

Ugh.

Speaking Of IF

1. Kick the Habit
Although we all know that smoking isn't good for you, there's yet another reason to avoid or kick the habit: decreased fertility. Both women's and men's reproductive systems appear to be affected by cigarette smoke--whether inhaled directly or as secondhand smoke. Many harmful substances found in cigarette smoke including nicotine, carbon monoxide and carcinogenic and mutagenic compounds. Panayiotis Zavos, PhD, University of Kentucky, says: "The argument against smoking holds true for anyone wishing to conceive, but it is particularly imperative for individuals (male or female) having difficulty in conceiving." (1)

In England, researchers report that smoking diminishes fertilization in women by two-thirds. A study by the University of Bristol and St. George's Hospital Medical School revealed that cotinine, the main by-product of nicotine, is a long-lasting substance that concentrates in the follicular fluid of the ovaries (2) and affects conception.

Women who smoke harmed their ovaries, according to a University of Iowa study. Cigarette smoke decreased the number of eggs a woman produces each month. This may be partially due to the higher levels of male hormones such as androgen and testosterone found in smoking women. Smoking also tends to decrease estrogen, the hormone responsible for producing fertile mucus and making the cervix more receptive to sperm (3).

Smoking also interferes with reproduction because of its effect on nutrients. For example, vitamin C levels decrease 20 to 40 percent in men who smoke one pack of cigarettes per day. When vitamin C drops, a man's sperm are not only more sluggish, but they tend to clump together. Less vitamin C also results in more abnormally formed sperm and fewer sperm overall.

A Galveston, Texas research team decided to test the effect of vitamin C supplementation on male smokers. On average, the subjects' semen contained 43 percent less ascorbic acid (vitamin C) than what is generally found in healthy young adults. However, when two of the test groups received either 200 mg or 1000 mg tablets of vitamin C each day, these levels improved within the first week. The supplemented men showed weekly recovery in sperm health. Most impressive, however, was the substantial sperm health improvement the 1,000 mg group exhibited over the men taking only 200 mg of vitamin C. Overall, the men taking more vitamin C experienced an average improvement of 40 percent in six different sperm qualities. Those taking 200 mg improved by 15 percent. There was no change in the placebo group (4).

Nicotine and its by-products can hurt reproductive tissues. If the vitamin C depleted due to smoking isn't replaced, this nutrient can't do its job and repair the damage. Of course, men should quit smoking rather than try to compensate for the harm smoking does to their reproductive systems.

2. Dump your Diet
Debates rage on about the safety and effectiveness of weight loss diets. When considering the pros and cons of dieting, you need to include fertility.

Recent evidence indicates it's not only fat, but where fat's distributed on the body that influences fertility. A Dutch research group studied 500 women who came to their clinic for artificial insemination. They discovered women whose hips were larger than their waist were more likely to get pregnant than women whose waists were wider. This abnormal fat distribution is associated with a masculizing effect on the body and may be responsible for decreased fertility. The researchers point out, however, that a woman of normal weight is more fertile than one who is either too fat or too thin (5).

German researchers took 25 sedentary women and observed the effects of dieting on their menstrual cycles. Of the women who lost more than two pounds per week, 10 developed disturbances in the luteal, or second, half of their cycles. Another five experienced impaired follicular development. A follicle is a sac within the ovary which houses the egg during its growth. One explanation for these changes is the decrease in the hormone, prolactin that occurred while these women were dieting. Lower prolactin was also correlated with decreased estrogen levels (6). All of these reproductive disturbances could compromise fertility.

Men are not excluded from the effects dieting has on fertility. Scientists at Boston's Massachusetts General Hospital recruited a group of overweight men to test the impact of fasting on reproductive function. After these men fasted for six to seven days, their plasma testosterone fell by one-third. This hormone returned to its original level once the men began eating normally for several days. The researchers speculated that fasting has a direct impact on men's testicles. Lack of food, they think, may inhibit hormone formation or reduce a testicle's response to hormones (7).

3. Timing is Everything
Animals display distinct seasonal changes in their reproductive abilities. Interestingly, the same is true for people. Although the seasons have a minimal impact on modern societal activities, our bodies still respond to changes in the seasons. It is well documented that men's semen quality and count varies throughout the year reaching its peak as winter ends and spring begins (February to March). A British study illustrated a similar trend in women. Several women were seen at Jessop Hospital in Sheffield for artificial insemination. This is important to mention because it clarifies that frequency of intercourse and rate of ovulation did not influence conception. Researchers found that conception, using insemination, was more common from early winter to early spring (October to March). The most fruitful month was November.

Although investigators couldn't offer a concrete reason why this was so, they said it is possible that the pituitary or pineal glands are more active during these times. The endometrial layer lining the uterus may also be more receptive during winter. Or it may be that, for some unknown reason, a woman's eggs are more fertile in November (8).

These findings should not surprise anyone. Nature is cyclical. Not only does a woman's fertility peak during a particular period each year, but also at a specific time each month. The egg lives a short 24 hours during a menstrual cycle. Using natural family planning methods to observe and chart cervical mucus, basal body temperature and other fertility signs, a couple can pinpoint when conception will most likely occur.

About Going Private

I've thought about it and ya know what? F that. Why should I block people from reading my profile cuz a few nutty people have to know what is going on in my life. I say, go ahead. There are plenty of women that are going through IF right now and while I am not talking about anything IF or TTC related right now, I still have my older posts that could help them and there will be new ones as soon as John gets back.

So, crazies, have a ball!

Could The Loooong Cycle Be Ending?

I think AF is coming! My boobs started hurting the other day. Let's hope. I kinda want it but I don't really want to deal with it. It's been 126 days already. Ugh. 4 cycles since February...that's ridiculous.

Who Tries To Be Tough On XBOX?

Seriously.  

I was playing Call of Duty 4 with two of my friends in a small team based game and some chick and her boyfriend were in there and they were obviously there just to start fights with people. I  barely said a word cuz I really dislike playing with girls (like, oh my god, he just killed me) and she goes, is that another girl? I responded with a simple yes. She responds with awwww that's so cute. 

???

Anyway, since I wasn't in my friends party, I was getting bounced between the 2 teams since there was an odd number of players. If I was on their team, I said nothing. I didn't really want to be in the fight that she was involved with between her, her bf, and my friends. 

Then it happened.

We enter a game and her boyfriend goes oh, she must be in party chat. I said nothing. Then he goes and calls me a slut. Oh HELL no! I said actually I am still in here, dickhead. Well, that set off his gf and she goes don't call him that and blah blah blah.  She starts going off on me and calls me all kinds of names and I'm sitting there like, really? Way to be tough with the XBOX. 

Her reasoning for calling me everything she did was because of what I called her boyfriend. 

...

I'm sorry, did he not call me a slut? At the risk of sounding like a first grader,  he clearly started it.

Not one to back down (obviously) I said some rude things to her. Then they bring my husband into it.

Oh HA-HA-HA-HELL no!

He proceeds to tell me that he is glad it is my husband over in Iraq and not him (which I responded with me too, I wouldn't want a dumbass like you defending our country. I also reminded him that my husband is defending his right to be an asshole on a game) and then he says well, I hope your husband comes home in one piece and not in a coffin. 

What is wrong with people?! You wanna insult me, fine. You wanna call me a bitch and a ho and a slut, ok. Do NOT say things like that to me. How fucking rude do you have to be to make a comment like that. I oughta smack his momma for raising him wrong.

Then I come to find out that after she invited my friend to a private chat to argue some more, she said that she feels sorry for me cuz he isn't coming back. She also said that I may be happily married, but he's not.

What possesses people to say such things? How can you have so much ugliness inside of you to say such things? Sorry her boyfriend doesn't do anything spectacular, but mine does.  And she couldn't even say it directly to me! What a coward. She even sent my friend a message later talking about me more. I got fed up responded back with a if you got something to say to me, say it to me, and she kept trying to get me to join a chat. Yeah, I really wanna participate in some juvenile fight. I finally ended it when she sent a message saying stop responding to me, I am trying to spend my time with someone. I simply said back, if you are trying to spend time with someone, why do you keep trying to get me to chat with you?

That was the end of that.

This whole situation is utterly ridiculous and really isn't worth getting annoyed over, but I had to share it. 

WTF?

There was a baby sock outside the door. Way to make me think about babies even more. Are you kidding me? What are the chances of that?

Baby Fever

I don't know what it is lately but I am so restless about TTC lately. It could be the 121 day cycle I am on, or maybe it's cuz every time I go to myspace they have the 'you might know this person' section and I swear more than half the girls I knew in high school that are younger than me all have at least one child.

This sucks.

I hate hate hate that I can't try right now. I also hate the fact that even though I know better and really don't want to get my hopes up, I still have that shred of hope that I will get pg while John is home for leave. I mean honestly, I am not even getting AF right now so it is highly unlikely that it will happen. That's the other thing that has me going. I have the worst itch to take a pregnancy test. I haven't had AF since September 9th. John left September 21st. I don't even think it is realistic to think I may have ovulated on cycle day 12. Of course then I start to think, well, sperm can live up to 5 days (or so) and then I think, Oh man! It's possible!

I WISH.

I should just buy a cheapy dollar store one and get it over with. Maybe that will bring on AF. Or maybe I need a serious reality check over here.

At least it proves one thing, my mind still plays tricks on me even when there is no chance of me being pregnant right now. Ahhh, the joys of IF.

P.S. Babe, please don't get your hopes up...I'm just being insane.

Going Invite Only

I may be going​ invit​e only.​ This means​,​ if you want to keep readi​ng this blog, you need to send me your e-​mail addre​ss so I can invit​e you.

Certa​in peopl​e perta​ining​ to a certa​in matte​r are looki​ng at my blog way too frequ​ently​ and quite​ frank​ly I'm getti​ng annoy​ed.​ I start​ed this blog as a way to vent about​ thing​s and expre​ss my opini​ons about​ many diffe​rent subje​cts,​ not so peopl​e can keep watch​ and read my every​ move.​

Espec​ially​ peopl​e that have no busin​ess readi​ng it.

It's still​ up in the air wheth​er I will or not cuz I reall​y don'​t want to have to do this,​ but I've been left no other​ choic​e.​

I'll be doing this on Saturday if I do and I'll post a reminder by Thursday if I still decide to do so.

I believe my e-mail address is on my profile page so that is where you need to e-mail me your address. Please leave "Blog Invite" as the subject.

Test

Trying out this new way to post.

eBay

Sweet, sweet eBay. 

I have won two items in the past 2 or so days and I LOVE it. I won something for John and I won something for myself. I am just loving this. Plus I am winning things that would cost me double if I bought them in a store. I just keep finding things I love and I bid on it if I really, really like it. I just got a pair of kick ass shoes for $6.00. With shipping, it came to about $16.00. That's how they get ya, with shipping,  but still, it cost me about half what those would have cost me in any store. 

I think the thing I like best is, I can do this in my own home. I don't have to deal with malls or people. I can just sit here, find something awesome, and bid. Plus it's a lot of fun to "win" something.

I think I have found a new obsession. 

So Glad The Holidays Are Over

That's all I got to say.