Seriously. I have to be alone all the time, and I'm not just talking about times like these when he is gone for X amount of days, I have to deal with living in a cold, shitty, BORING, place, and I am no longer the person I used to be. Everything I say, or do, or write about I have to stop and think first if I am going to upset someone. That is not my style. I have never let anyone ever stop me from saying what I feel, ever, so why am I doing it now? Why should I care what some other Army Wife or Army guy thinks of me and what I have to say? I tell it like it is and, sorry if no one likes it, but this is me. I'm not changing for anyone. And if anyone thinks this blog is about them, I don't care. It might be, it might not. I guess you can say it's just about how things have unraveled since I've been here...
I hear all the time about how Army Wives are such good friends.
Right.
I've been here a year and let's see who do I consider my friends? Oh yeah, all my friends back home. Maybe it's my fault. I'm not one to make the first move when it comes to making friends. Hey, as outspoken as I am, I'm also pretty shy. Or maybe I just have that bad of a personality or something. I'm a very honest person and I tell it like it is no matter what. If that's being a bad person then, wow, I'm bad. I always thought friendships were based on trust, not who can lie the best make the other feel better. If that's what I'm expected to do, count me out.
Don't worry, this isn't something that was triggered by one event. It's pretty much been every event that had taken place since I've been here. I guess I just don't know why people care so much about what I talk about. Especially the ones who claim not to care at all.
Everyone has a breaking point, and I have just passed mine.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Being An Army Wife, What Is There To Like?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
i can totally understand where you're coming from...MWs are a very close knit community, when you fit into their cookie-cutter ideals. don't change for anyone jenn, no matter what situation you're in...just because you're comfortable with who you are and they're upset because they "have to" conform doesn't mean you've turned into a bad person.
i lived in fbx for 15 years and still only keep in touch with a few people from back home...we moved around a lot just within the interior and even moving from school to school was hard to make new friends. it's the kind of place that people are born, raised, live and die in...those ties very strong and the loyalty to a certain group of friends is not easily tapped into...believe me, i know.
i've only found a couple of MW friends since i've been here (small ass farm town not even as big as fbx)...but so many of them are either "those wives" that are at every event with their pearls and petticoats or complete sluts that really don't want to be married to their husbands to begin with. of course those are the ones we see in the commissary dragging 5 kids under the age of 5...aaaagggghhh! it seems like as a MW we'll be able to make a lot of "good aquaintences and maybe (just maybe) one or two really great life long friends.
i'm not even gonna pretend i know what you're going through already with the thought of john deploying. bobby's career field will never deploy, unless he requests to go and even then he won't be doing anything slightly related to his regular job. my brother is in nevada right now training to go over in the begining of next month and i am scared out of my head...i just want to hug him and never let him go. the last time i saw him was in august when he got on the plane for england, he's stationed at lakenheath.
always holding onto those tride and true friendships you have back home is gonna be your ticket to sanity...just knowing you have someone in your corner (even if they're 4000 miles away) is a great feeling. i can only say that about 2 or 3 people...and they're all in different states.
i hope you have a better day today and that john's time away flies by.
AW;s are a clique. You gotta be part of their perfect little idea or be like them inorder to "belong". The only way to really fit in to the idea is to have been friends with them before you all became AW's. The AW Club is not one that I care to belong to. Its all gossip and whos husband has more rank for them to throw around.
It generally gets crazy around the time of deployments and during deployments and thats when the rumor mill and drama club really kick into high gear. Its amazing the stuff you hear you have done from people you dont even know.
My only suggestion, dont isolate youself from them because thats when it gets worse, but at the same time, keep your distance. Never trust anyone fully but dont exclude people because of som of the people they know. They may just be playing that game as to keep low.
Emma, I totally hear ya on the 5 kid thing. That is so true! Luckily, John doesn't have any orders right now and I'm hoping it stays that way! I'm glad Bobby won't ever have to deploy. Sorry about your brother though. I'm sure he'll be ok!
Jess, yeah the clique thing sucks. The worst part is I'm such an accepting person and no one gives me a chance because I'm a little different, or honest. I dunno, maybe people are intimidated by my tattoos, piercings, and odd hair colours. Who knows. If people would take their heads out of their asses for one second and realize I'm not that person they think I am, they'd have a good, true, honest friend for life. High school's over kids, time to put on our big girl pants.
Hmm where to tactfully begin? Aww fuck it.
I am an AW. I am the cookie cutter complete with pearls and the "barbie squad" friends. Guess what? I didn't meat them before the Army, I met them when we were girlfriends or just engaged. I don't know who you are meeting, or who you aren't, but I like you a lot. I think I am pretty damn accepting. So are my friends. I think maybe you just haven't met the RIGHT friends. So apparently its time for this Army Wife (fuck ya I am proud of it.. I have earned that title damn it) to help you meet more people. Fairbanks is NOT the place to move to. LOL if we were in Anchorage, I am sure you would be happy as a clam. Its so much more diverse.
Also, the Army has way to much of a stigma in the game you have to play.. in that if John was a business man, you would still have to be careful of what you said to and to who, if he was a fireman, you wouldn't want to piss of those wives either. I dont come from a military family, I come from a business family and I watched my mom for years have to mind her p's and q's in the "business" setting to help my father in his career. Yes. to 1950's, but it makes life easier to play the game.. here is my secret to sanity babe. Play the game when the players are around, but find the people that know when its "time out" and let your hair down.
And I am kinda hurt.. *sniffle sniffle* I thought we got a long great and I am the cookie cutter wife.. :( and here is the worst part, I worked to be good at being a wife. Its a role I fit into well and I do it because I have seen the effects of crazy wives on their husbands careers. And we are accepting. We are closet freaks. You would fit in. I guess I just have to show you around and show you the ropes.
--if you really want clarification as to what my view on army wife life is,.. this is my "about me" on myspace.
I support our troops with every ounce of my being, I am an Army Wife ;but that is NOT my only definition. Its PART of my life, and its a chosen part, but it doesn't make me who I am, or the woman my Soldier fell in love with. It makes my life interesting and complicated. Its facinating and a very seperate world that only other military families understand, but I DO NOT wear my husbands rank nor will I ever try. I am NOT your "typical Army Wife". I love my husband, I love my friends, and I love my life. I dont pity myself and have learned to take what the Army throws us in stride. Its our life, and I love it. Rough Patches and all!!
--LOL its definitely not a life for everyone.
I didn't mean to offend you Alex, this wasn't about you. I was going to write a post about something and I didn't cuz I didn't want to upset the person I was going to be posting about (I'm not even sure if you know this person) and that turned into a post about not truly being able to express myself and I don't like it one bit. It's funny you mention about if John was a fireman, cuz he actually is a fireman back home. My father is too and has been for 29 years. That is the type of family I grew up in. (Grandpa, great grandpa, and uncle, and more than I think I know of were all in, even my sister and I were in the explorers for a short while [I'm a daddy's girl]) This never stopped my mom from saying what she truly felt about another fireman's wife and it certainly won't stop me either. If I have an opinion, chances are they are gonna know it. Lol. I guess this is all just a new thing for me still. I'm not used to having to bite my tongue in damn near every situation and it leaves me a bit restless.
At the time I wrote this, I was alone, sad, and felt like I had The Plague or something. I don't know, maybe people where I'm from are just generally bitchier and that's why I'm shocked when people aren't as accepting of my frank opinions. I don't know. I think I figured it out mostly though. Go read my new blog and it will further explain myself.
I'm sorry if you felt like I was unappreciative of you cuz I'm not.
Post a Comment