Why is wanting to have your own baby seen as narcissistic? Why can't people see how painful it is for women to not be able to carry their own child? Why is wanting to have a child, something most women want at some point in their lives, seen as having a baby fetish, or a baby obsession if you go through any infertility treatments?
I was browsing blogs today and came across a blog that posted this article. While I did not really enjoy the article (and it was mainly because I could only wish for the money for 11 shots at IVF) I found the comments on the article more disturbing than anything in the article (pictures included). Most people think that infertile women are baby crazy. This is not true. Why can't we want something other women get so easily? Why are we the crazy ones? Because we choose to try anything and stop at nothing to get what it is that we desire most? Put the drive of an infertile woman trying to conceive into an executive woman trying to advance in her job and we'd be the friggin CEO or President of our company. And we'd be respected.
Here's something else to chew on.
Would this all be different if it were men who were having the children?
Would they be considered weak and pathetic if they stopped before trying any alternatives? You can bet they would be. Determination in a man is considered a blessing. In women, it's a curse, an obsession.
The worst comment was the one where a person said 'You'd think with nearly 7 billion people on this planet, a couple might think of it as a blessing that they can not add any more "consumers" to our Earth's already overstretched resources'.
Really? I wonder how many children that person has and how difficult it was for them to have them?
Others went on to say things like, there are plenty of other kids in the world who need families, why not adopt, or aren't there more important things to write about than this?
Yes, there are other children who need homes, but you got to have your child from your eggs and your husband's sperm and you got to carry your baby in your belly...why can't I want the same thing?
Second, I do think this is something important. I think more people need to realize how heartbreaking it is to have to go through infertility. How devastating it is to see two lines on a test and then have it ripped away from you the next day. To have to relive that once, twice, three times or more. It may not be as big a deal as our failing economy or the plans of our new president, but it at least deserves to be in the top 10.
I am so sick of the ignorance of the people in this world.
4 comments:
lets punch people!! or lets lick the snow thats even better
i totally agree with you about men. their determination is seen as natural and grit. for women, we're just off our rocker.
this was my favorite line from the article, "I hate the phrase “meant to be,” loaded with its small, smug assumptions, its apathy and fake stoicism."
ok, maybe this one too..."Die without having created a life, and die two deaths: the death of yourself, and the death of the immense opportunity that is a child."
i think anyone who has experienced infertility has felt that way so many times...curled up in a ball, sobbing in the corner, clutching a pint of ben and jerry's, tear stained face, praying against sleep because it'll only bring dreams of children you may never get to hold.
I think for people who have never had to deal with the issue of infertility just dont quite get it. For some, pregnancy comes easy and sometimes too easy at that and they just don't see what the fuss is about having a baby. what may be natural and easy for some may not for others.
I may have already had a baby before I delt with 2 years of trying to get pregnant with my second, and yes granted a deployment was involved with that second year, but it was still hard to deal with the fact that what I wanted soooo bad I couldn't have. I felt as though my natural right as a woman was being taken away from me and something that I wanted sooo bad I couldn't have. I felt like I was being punished for something.
I don't think its wrong to want to stop at nothing and obsess about wanting chil(dren) of your own. Its something that is amazing and something that no one can describe to you. Stop at nothing Jenn and to all those haters out there who think that its a crazy obsession or that those women are "off their rockers" fuck you, just cause all you have to do is think about a baby and get knocked up, doesn't mean the rest of the world who can't doesn't deserve the right to experience what you have multiple times!
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