Baby Obsessed???

Why is wanting to have your own baby seen as narcissistic? Why can't people see how painful it is for women to not be able to carry their own child? Why is wanting to have a child, something most women want at some point in their lives, seen as having a baby fetish, or a baby obsession if you go through any infertility treatments? 

I was browsing blogs today and came across a blog that posted this article. While I did not really enjoy the article (and it was mainly because I could only wish for the money for 11 shots at IVF) I found the comments on the article more disturbing than anything in the article (pictures included). Most people think that infertile women are baby crazy. This is not true. Why can't we want something other women get so easily? Why are we the crazy ones? Because we choose to try anything and stop at nothing to get what it is that we desire most? Put the drive of an infertile woman trying to conceive into an executive woman trying to advance in her job and we'd be the friggin CEO or President of our company. And we'd be respected.

Here's something else to chew on.

Would this all be different if it were men who were having the children? 

Would they be considered weak and pathetic if they stopped before trying any alternatives? You can bet they would be. Determination in a man is considered a blessing. In women, it's a curse, an obsession.

The worst comment was the one where a person said 'You'd think with nearly 7 billion people on this planet, a couple might think of it as a blessing that they can not add any more "consumers" to our Earth's already overstretched resources'. 

Really? I wonder how many children that person has and how difficult it was for them to have them?

Others went on to say things like, there are plenty of other kids in the world who need families, why not adopt, or aren't there more important things to write about than this?

Yes, there are other children who need homes, but you got to have your child from your eggs and your husband's sperm and you got to carry your baby in your belly...why can't I want the same thing?

Second, I do think this is something important. I think more people need to realize how heartbreaking it is to have to go through infertility. How devastating it is to see two lines on a test and then have it ripped away from you the next day. To have to relive that once, twice, three times or more. It may not be as big a deal as our failing economy or the plans of our new president, but it at least deserves to be in the top 10.

I am so sick of the ignorance of the people in this world.

What You Should Know About Women Going Through Infertility

This post is inspired by a fellow BZ'er who has a more than inconsiderate co-worker.

Please know that we know more than you ever will about what it takes to get pregnant. We know when we ovulate, when we are about to ovulate, and what every little twinge in our bodies mean. We know how to temp, check our cervical mucous, check our cervix, and what will effect everything in our bodies. We also know every position known to man that will optimize our chances at conception. Yes, we have layed in the oddest positions imaginable to make sure the sperm gets to our cervix but that does not make us stupid. With that being said, please don't come up to one of us and ask us if we know when we ovulate, or that every woman ovulates on the same day and please please for your sake, do NOT say that we just need to relax and not stress so much. To quote my BZ buddy "First of all, I am not infertile because I think too much about it and because I stress over it!! I think and stress out, because I am suffering through infertility". Telling us to relax and it will happen is like telling a cancer patient to just relax, the cancer will go away on it's own.

Please understand also, that just because you are pregnant, it doesn't mean you know the best way for me to get pregnant. I am not you. I am not lucky enough to ovulate regularly on my own. It takes medication, sacrifices of certain foods and pain relievers for the headaches we get from the stress and regular visits with the dildo cam for me to even have a normal cycle let alone a pregnancy. Also, please don't say 'I understand how you feel cuz it took me 2 months to get pregnant' 2 months? HA! It's been three months since I've even had a period! (Side note: Yes I do understand when you are trying for a baby if it doesn't happen on the first month it is discouraging but please do remember you are talking to someone who has been trying for 17 months or longer)

One more thing, never say to me 'oh you're young you still have time' You know nothing about my situation so please don't assume that being young is on my side. How do you think it feels that all my 23 year old counterparts have no problems getting pregnant. I'm young, I'm not supposed to be worrying about taking extra hormones to get pregnant til I'm 35.

So please if you want to try to help me, just a simple I'm sorry this cycle didn't work out, or a nice gesture such as going with me for some ice cream or a movie or just plain hanging out or something will work. But please never assume I don't know everything to do and every procedure out there cuz you will just embarrass yourself when I bash you with my TTC knowledge.

Thank You.

Doctors Have Magic Powers

They can freeze time. I bet you didn't know that. Well, I'm telling you, they can. I'm still stuck in this cycle and I will be til I can get a doctors appointment. It sucks cuz I can't even call the doctor til the 1st of February. I'm on CD54 already and still no sign of anything and the doctor is the only one who can get me out if it. Sure, it's nice not to have a visit from the monthly witch, but it makes me go crazy wondering, Am I pregnant? Of course 4 or 5 PG tests later, I know that I am not. I just hate being at a complete and total standstill. I also hate that my cycle had to go on hold cuz my doctor is off having her own baby. Stupid, I know, but how did I get so "lucky" to get a doctor who is not only pregnant, but on maternity leave just as I start fertility treatments?

Yes, It's That Tough

I read the most unbelievable thing today. I still lurk over at the horrible message board just to see how a few choice girls are doing. Well, come to find out there were two BFPs today (Congrats to both girls btw!!!) and of course, our favourite designated bitch had to put in her two cents. First, she goes on the say 'See, you don't even EVER get to say you had "infertility" like the rest of us! Got pregnant in under a year, which is the normal time frame for getting pregnant'. Ok, does anyone else sense the utter bitchiness of this comment? See, if she had maybe said you don't ever have to say you had infertility it wouldn't be so offensive, but, of course she said get. Um. I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that there was some exclusive infertility club that was just so great to be a part of. Am I more special than "normal" women cuz I'm infertile? Many women worry that they may indeed be infertile but they certainly aren't standing in line waiting to be infertile.

Then of course the woman who no doubt is floating on cloud nine after waiting 10 long months for her BFP and having a luteal phase problem in which she had to take a progesterone supplement, said her thanks and went on to say she was starting to worry with the one year mark gettin closer. (Might I add she has every right to especially with a progesterone problem). Well DB makes a comment about how the one year mark 'isn't that tough'. Uh, excuse me? Maybe it doesn't seem that tough to you now, but believe me, I just hit it and YES IT IS THAT TOUGH. But I keep forgetting, she's an expert and I guess since she has hit it twice already (she is TTC after having children) she knows all.

Now, I know, seeing anyone else get a BFP stings a bit for any TTCer, but we gotta take it in stride and I have to admit, I get excited for these women. Yes, it isn't me who gets that BFP, but I can't be jealous cuz someone else gets a baby sooner than me. Even if they have been trying for a shorter period of time. I am not the judge of who deserves to get their BFP and when. I also don't really consider these girls any luckier than I. They are just different from me and their bodies don't have the issues that I do. End of story. Furthermore, I cannot spend my TTC time being jealous of someone I don't even know and is trying just as hard as I am. Even if they aren't trying as hard as I am, the fact still stands that they are trying.

I Refuse To Label Myself

I've come to the decision I refuse to label myself as an infertile. That is all I see women doing these days. It's not like it's great to be infertile. There are so many things I'd rather label myself as than infertile. I dunno I guess I just don't see the point in labeling myself as that. It's not gonna get me pregnant any faster and I hate fake sympathy (which is exactly what most people get when they tell strangers they are an infertile). It just seems to me that the more and more I delve into this journey of trying to get pregnant, I've come across all kinds of women trying to conceive who are deemed infertile but there seem to be only two kinds. The women who know they are infertile but don't let it define who they are and the women who know they are infertile and let it consume their lives. Now, I know it is hard not to let this consume our lives. Especially when we have to time when we have sex, have ultrasounds all the time etc. but it doesn't' mean you have bitch and whine every second of everyday and say I'm an infertile blah blah blah and let it define who you are cuz you think it will get you a little sympathy.

I just don't understand why so many women let it define who they are. Is it for attention? Are they the same women who spent most of their lives crying wolf, if you will, and making the worst out of every situation just for a little bit of attention? Now I know I've *only* been trying for a year and there are a lot of women who have been trying longer than I have (and essentially been through a lot more) but it's still all the same. It sucks to be infertile but I am just that...infertile. Not an infertile, just infertile.

Infertile: it describes what I am but it does NOT define who I am.