This post is inspired by a fellow BZ'er who has a more than inconsiderate co-worker.
Please know that we know more than you ever will about what it takes to get pregnant. We know when we ovulate, when we are about to ovulate, and what every little twinge in our bodies mean. We know how to temp, check our cervical mucous, check our cervix, and what will effect everything in our bodies. We also know every position known to man that will optimize our chances at conception. Yes, we have layed in the oddest positions imaginable to make sure the sperm gets to our cervix but that does not make us stupid. With that being said, please don't come up to one of us and ask us if we know when we ovulate, or that every woman ovulates on the same day and please please for your sake, do NOT say that we just need to relax and not stress so much. To quote my BZ buddy "First of all, I am not infertile because I think too much about it and because I stress over it!! I think and stress out, because I am suffering through infertility". Telling us to relax and it will happen is like telling a cancer patient to just relax, the cancer will go away on it's own.
Please understand also, that just because you are pregnant, it doesn't mean you know the best way for me to get pregnant. I am not you. I am not lucky enough to ovulate regularly on my own. It takes medication, sacrifices of certain foods and pain relievers for the headaches we get from the stress and regular visits with the dildo cam for me to even have a normal cycle let alone a pregnancy. Also, please don't say 'I understand how you feel cuz it took me 2 months to get pregnant' 2 months? HA! It's been three months since I've even had a period! (Side note: Yes I do understand when you are trying for a baby if it doesn't happen on the first month it is discouraging but please do remember you are talking to someone who has been trying for 17 months or longer)
One more thing, never say to me 'oh you're young you still have time' You know nothing about my situation so please don't assume that being young is on my side. How do you think it feels that all my 23 year old counterparts have no problems getting pregnant. I'm young, I'm not supposed to be worrying about taking extra hormones to get pregnant til I'm 35.
So please if you want to try to help me, just a simple I'm sorry this cycle didn't work out, or a nice gesture such as going with me for some ice cream or a movie or just plain hanging out or something will work. But please never assume I don't know everything to do and every procedure out there cuz you will just embarrass yourself when I bash you with my TTC knowledge.
Thank You.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
What You Should Know About Women Going Through Infertility
Posted by Jenn at 6:32 PM
Labels: infertility
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8 comments:
I also love those people who assume that "trying" means that you stop your birth control and have sex on the days you are most fertile. I think that most peoples misconception about "trying" is going off of BC and not using protection of any sorts and not getting pregnant within their set goal means that they have issues.
I loved the part where you said that its like telling a cancer patient that their cancer will go away on its own. I don't know how many people told me that cervical cancer "isn't that bad". How about the fact that the part of your body that is responsible for "soaking" up the sperm so to speak or the gateway to the body is being attacked by a disease and that having HUGE portions cut out to stop the spread causes problems. Being told by a doctor that getting pregnant is going to be a task and if you do succeed its going to be difficult.
I hardly agree with those healthy people who went threw 6 months of not being able to get pregnant when they tell someone who took 2 1/2 years to get pregnant that they understand. Do your thing girl. Know that there are people out there who truely get the feeling you are putting into what you are writing.
I pray that you get your miracle and that having another female companion there helps you get back on track. I also hope that sometimes soon you get a doctor who seems a little more knowledgable about what is going on with you and doesn't change their mind later on about what it really is. I just dont think that her being someone who just had a baby can really know what not having a 100% true answer does to a person.
LMAO...dildo cam...you said it! i totally agree with the post you're referring to and with everything you wrote. i wish people could be considerate enough to think about what they say before they say it. not everyone that's pregnant or already a mother knows all the "answers" to conceiving.
it's a sore subject for everyone suffering though infertility...but it would be so nice if we could just sent out a worldwide memo and actually have it sink in!
Ha. Cervical cancer isn't that bad. Who are people to judge which cancer is worse? Cancer sucks. That's like telling a man that prostate cancer isn't that bad. People are like that with infertility. A lot of people say PCOS isn't that bad. Uh, last I checked, a condition that causes me to not ovulate IS pretty bad. No ovulation=no pregnancy. I'm not saying its the worst out there but it is pretty bad.
Emma, I really wish there was more of an awareness in infertility. It is pretty shocking how many women suffer through this but so many people just know nothing about it.
hey little cousin.
Wanted to let you know I was here.
I would also like to add that those stupid "2 weeks before and after period" guide lines are ridiculous. I got pregnant (unintentionally i might add) while I HAD my period.
Just do what you need to do. You know what you want, you know how to get it. Let NO ONE interfere with your dreams.
Have faith that they will come true.
And I'm game for Ice Cream when you come home. :)
Bravo Jenn, really this is one of your best blog entries!! Im sorry that you or others encounter such insensitive people, and your right. I think infertility is such a quiet battle for so many people, there should be more awareness. I also have to say, reading your blogs, and understanding how many people battle with infertility has made me appreciate my own experiance in a way that I never knew I could. Thank you for that!!
Good luck babe!
I know your cousin meant well with her comment (I assume she is your cousin based on the opening line) but that should be another thing on your list. No infertile wants to hear that someone got pregnant without trying.
your cousin sounds a little ignorant. Seems to me if she really cared she would say nothing at all. Some things are better left unsaid. Seems like all she did was sleep around at any given time. I will be praying for you in hopes of getting your little miracle. God Bless
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