I Miss You

Today is one of those I miss you days. I can't lie, everyday is an I miss you day but some days are worse than others. It's amazing how many things you take for granted. A hug, a kiss, a smile. It's amazing what you find yourself missing once you no longer get to experience it on a daily basis. It sucks.

I guess I'm still waiting for that whole, "it gets easier" portion of the deployment. When exactly does that take place? I know it's only (only...ha) been 4 months, but I still miss him just as much as the first second he was gone. I wanna be able to kiss him when I feel like it, or cuddle on the couch just because. I wanna have our life back. I wanna be able to tell him something that happened the second it happens. I hate having to wait to tell him something. Especially when my piece of shit memory doesn't always let me remember until it's too late. 

I guess I really can't complain though. We talk everyday and it's at least twice a day on the phone and most times twice on the internet as well. You don't have to tell me how lucky I am. I was blessed with a wonderful husband who wakes up earlier than he needs to just to call me so we can talk longer than half an hour on the phone and so we can talk for sometimes more than an hour on the computer after that.            

I know this is only temporary, but it feels like forever. I just want him home now. I'm really dreading the end of his leave. How can it be easier (as I've been told) to let him go the second time? I know it's shorter from when he leaves then til when I get to see him again but it's still too damn long. Why can't it just be a 6 month deployment? If it was, he'd be home in 2 months. 

Ugh, I can't wait for this all to be over.

Ah the best part of the Army is the FRG. HA! I am so blessed to find out today that the lead FRG lady is, you guessed it, pregnant. Oh and it's just such a great surprise! Can ya tell I'm bitter? I know I am not the only woman who is having problems having a child here but I guess the exceptionally fertile people don't have to think about that. I guess I should maybe mention that if you are going to send out an e-mail saying that not only are you pregnant, but your "partner" if you will is pregnant too, leave me off the list. But I'm sure I'd get, well we sure are busy and we can't take the time to keep track of the infertiles. Then she goes on to tell us that her husband is already where they are going and that it is the worst of conditions. Thanks. I'm so happy to know that my husband will be that much more miserable when he finally gets there. Awesome morale boost for me. Sometimes I really just don't think people think before they speak.

Ugh!

Last night, just as I got into my room cuz I gave up on waiting for him, he sent me an IM. Got it through my mobile but I was bummed cuz I really wanted to see him on the webcam. I hate that the Army never ceases to surprise me. I really didn't think he was going to be able to. At least I have been lucky. We've talked everyday and text often. I thought it was getting easier, but yesterday was a harsh reminder that no, it is not getting easier. I really don't see how it can. I am going to miss him today just as much as I did the day he left and all the way up until he comes home.I do wish the worrying would go away though. I find myself thinking about it way more than I should. Everyone tells me I need to keep busy, but trust me when I say, it doesn't matter how busy I am, nothing is going to take my mind off the most important person in my life. I guess this is just something that I am going to have to deal with.

Yay!

I got to talk to my hubby on webcam today! It was so good to see his face. Kind of sad too. I just wanted to reach through and hug and kiss him. It was hard to not cry though cuz even though I am seriously grateful that I get to do that, it is almost like a tease. I just wish I were seeing him in person rather than on a stupid computer screen from halfway around the world. Still, it was great to see his smiling face when I sent him a cute or funny message. Just wish it could've lasted longer. We got cut short cuz they needed him. Who knows when he'll get another chance to come on. Could be tonight, might not. I hate this so much.

One Week Down

Its been a week since he left and it feels like the entire year has passed already. Everyone says it will go by fast but this week just dragged by. Last time he deployed, we weren't together so it did go by fast. Even when he got extended, it still flew by. It's so different this time. I cared about him last time but I care for him infinity times more this time around. I hate sleeping without him. I roll over and expect him to be there and he's not. I've tried pretending he's there holding me but it's not the same. I haven't washed any of his clothes cuz they still smell like him. Every movie or show I see with a couple breaks my heart. I just never thought I'd ever love someone this much and I'm so glad I fell in love with my best friend. I know we'll look back and see this as a tough chapter in our life and I'm sure this will be as tough as it will get with us, I just still wish we didn't have to go through it.