Today is one of those I miss you days. I can't lie, everyday is an I miss you day but some days are worse than others. It's amazing how many things you take for granted. A hug, a kiss, a smile. It's amazing what you find yourself missing once you no longer get to experience it on a daily basis. It sucks.
I guess I'm still waiting for that whole, "it gets easier" portion of the deployment. When exactly does that take place? I know it's only (only...ha) been 4 months, but I still miss him just as much as the first second he was gone. I wanna be able to kiss him when I feel like it, or cuddle on the couch just because. I wanna have our life back. I wanna be able to tell him something that happened the second it happens. I hate having to wait to tell him something. Especially when my piece of shit memory doesn't always let me remember until it's too late.
I guess I really can't complain though. We talk everyday and it's at least twice a day on the phone and most times twice on the internet as well. You don't have to tell me how lucky I am. I was blessed with a wonderful husband who wakes up earlier than he needs to just to call me so we can talk longer than half an hour on the phone and so we can talk for sometimes more than an hour on the computer after that.
I know this is only temporary, but it feels like forever. I just want him home now. I'm really dreading the end of his leave. How can it be easier (as I've been told) to let him go the second time? I know it's shorter from when he leaves then til when I get to see him again but it's still too damn long. Why can't it just be a 6 month deployment? If it was, he'd be home in 2 months.
Ugh, I can't wait for this all to be over.
2 comments:
You have those days where everything seems to hit you all at once and when youjust need comfort and reassurance and its not there, thats when the " I miss you" days really come into play. The new and exciting experiences or jokes and retarded moments that only he would get and understand and you have no one to laugh with, thats when the "I miss you" days hit the hardest. The whole "it gets easier as the days go on" saying, it takes time. Four months into it and you are still adjusting to being on your own and it may not seem like it at the time, but when you get into the 6-7-8 months, you find that time went faster than you think it did.
The missing part, that never gets any easier, infact, for me, as time went on I found myself missing him more and more and if not for drowning myself in work, I probably would have went nuts. The last couple months are definately the hardest months because you are soooo close yet still have so much time to go.
You are very lucky to be able to talk to him that much. I went months without hearing from him in the begining and it was only after R&R that I got to talk to him once a week, 2-3 times if I was lucky. I found though that the more I talked to him the more i missed him because it was a tease for me to communicate with him so often and hear his voive but not look at him and touch him. The spread out phone calls gave me something more to look forward too.
All days and nights blend together. When its over though, you'll look back and be like "at the time, it seemed like it was an eternity but now it seems as though it went by fast"
I totally understand where you are coming from. This time in 2007 I was going into my 4th month and going absolutely crazy. I'd lay in bed and cry for no reason other than I just wanted him there to talk about nothing with. I would be sitting on the couch talking with my mom and zone out thinking about how nice it would be for him to be there with me. I would go to the movies with friends only to find myself basically having wasted 9 bucks because I was too busy logging in and out of yahoo messenger on my phone waiting for him to get on or constantly looking at my phone thinking it was vibrating.
Hang in there girly, i know that you can do it and i promise that while the I miss you days wont get any easier, the days will go on faster and he will be home before you know it. After mid tour is when you will notice it! Just keep yourself busy throughout the days.
There will def be days when you'll miss him more than other days. R&R is coming up soon right? Just fyi- you can wait for him inside security. Go to the counter, tell them your hubby is coming in for R&R and show your military ID. They should give you something that looks like a ticket, but only lets you through security. You have to abide by the rules as if you were flying (no liquids, sharp objects, etc). But you can wait at the gate for them. This also works when he's going back to Iraq. You can sit with him at the gate while you wait for the plane to start boarding.
As far as it being "easier" during R&R, it's not entirely. Pat & I became a bit distant the last 3 or so days of R&R. Then the day came. And the only reason I can say that it's easier is more along the lines of you really realize how proud you feel to have a husband who's sacrificing everything for his country. It makes it a smidge more bearable seeing all the other wives waiting with their husbands as well, and the random people coming up to thank not only your husband, but you as well commenting on how strong a woman you must be to bear a deployment. But let me tell you- the minute he disappeared behind the doors of the gate- it was all tears. Some women stayed to watch the plane leave... I couldn't. I felt like that just dragged the pain on.
You are VERY lucky to hear from him so often! I heard from Pat about 2-3 times a week which I thought was a lot! There were a few times it'd be a week or more before I heard from him again (usually power outage related). As far as remembering to talk to him about something- I wrote Pat about 3-4 separate emails a DAY with random things that I thought of or happened that day. He'd read them all and if he needed to respond he usually waited until he called me to talk to me about it. And keeping a list of things you want to tell him is always helpful :-)
It doesn't get easier... it doesn't go by faster... Maybe for some women but not for me. But let me tell you the moment it was all over- it felt like he was only gone for 3 weeks instead of 14 months. It felt like we just picked up where our life left off (with some changes of course).
Hope this helps. If you need to talk don't hesitate. There are PLENTY of people out there willing to listen!!!!
Post a Comment