Some Good News And Some Confusing News

I got a follicle scan! My doctor called me yesterday (I was assuming it was a response to my e-mail) and she told me that she didn't have my b/w results yet and they didn't even test me for my progesterone levels! I told her it didn't matter anyway since I got AF but I told her the 100mg made me O I just didn't know what day and she said ok, put me on 100mg from CD5-9 (she wouldn't do CD2-6 or even CD3-7) and then finally set up a follicle scan for April 8th. Only problem is, hubby will not be here. He'll be in the field that day. But luckily a friend of mine is going to take me.


Now for the confusing part. She told me the rest of my blood work looked fine as far as fertility goes. Uh, what? I told her that when they first tested me they said that it looked like PCOS and then my u/s confirmed the "string of pearls" on my right ovary. So WTH is going on?! Maybe I am just annovulatory? I'll take that, but, it's still confusing. Hmmmm. Sorry this got long.

I'm Out For This Cycle

Yay. On to a new cycle.

You Want Something To Whine About?

So I just read a post on my one message board about a woman who had her IVF cycle cancelled. Ok that totally sucks and there's no disputing that, but, I can't help but find it a little annoying that she is complaining about how many chances she hasn't gotten in this journey TTC#3. That's right TTC#3. Why don't you try never getting a chance? I'm TTC#1 here and I just this past cycle after 14 months, got my first real chance. I know that even if you have one or two or more kids it will still suck to not get to have that one more that you want, but, try not even having one in the first place. Try going over a year without even a shred of a chance and then tell me your life sucks. I know I haven't been through as much as she has (ex. surgeries and procedures), but, I haven't had the privilege of having any children yet either. Not to mention the age difference. I wonder if she has any idea how horrible it is to be 23 and not be able to conceive like every other 23 year old? I guess it just irks me that she always wants everyone to feel sorry for her and yet she has no idea how bad some other people (not necessarily me) have it. Oh yeah, and how lucky she is to have 2 children in the first place.

Really?

There are far more abortion clinics than Infertility clinics in the US. There are no infertility places in Alaska just abortion clinics. You can't imagine how excited I was to get results from my search and then find that they are for abortion clinics and not Infertility clinics. Super. Now, I'm not Anti-Abortion as long as it's used for instances such as rape or selective reduction. However, I do have a problem when girls use it as a form of birth control. (Sarah this has nothing to do with you). Anyway, the closest one to me in NY would be 6 hours away. I'll keep searching though. Hopefully I can find one in Seattle maybe.

Hey Psycho

Quit reading my blog. Get your own life and stop trying to find shit out about mine. I'm just curious what you find so interesting about my life? Why do you find it necessary to flip through almost every page of my blog? Believe me, I know what pages you look at. Stop stalking me and get a life. Go join the Army LOL.

Let The Countdown Begin...Again.

Ok. So I added this ticker (to the right) to my blog (and one on my myspace) to count down to when I am testing. I have no clue when I ovulated, but, I just made up a BS cycle to make the ticker count down to ten days...if I can last that long. I can't believe I'm in the 1WW(ish) again. I just spent the last week anticipating either my period or a positive. Now I have to do it all over again. Yay. Oh well. Hopefully at the end of this one, there will be 2 pink lines to make me smile.

Now This Changes Things...

So, I took out all my positive OPKs and look at my chart now. (Scroll to bottom of page and click the little ticker with the snail) I'm so confused now. Maybe those OPKs were only positive cuz of the Clomid. But I did have that other positive on the 12th of this month (CD20) I don't know when I should test now. If I put in the positive on CD20 it says I Od on CD21 and without it, it says I Od on CD24. Is this even possible with the Clomid? To ovulate this late? If I really Od on the 16th, I'm WAY too early to test. And if I Od on CD 21 I'm still really early. Now I don't know what to think.

Here's the address for anyone who can't find the ticker with the snail
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/19c4c9

Well

BFN. I'm actually shocked this time. My temp went up today and everything. I woke up this morning at 4:30 having to pee so bad I thought I was going to pop so I decided to test then since I was so exhausted last night I went to bed at 10:30. Well I waited and waited for something to show up and nothing did. Stark white is all that stared back at me.

However, when I got up at 8:30 this morning to look at the test that I completely took apart lol, I saw something. Where the test line would be I saw a tinge of colour (now purple since it had dried out) at the top and bottom of where the line would be. Now I know I can't trust anything past ten minutes (let alone 4 hours later) but it gave me a tinge of hope that maybe I'm a late shower. I'll test again on the 26th if AF hasn't shown. I really thought this was it for me. I've still got symptoms but who knows what they even mean. Oh well.

Thank Yous And An Update

First I'd like to thank Shari for the babydust comment on my myspace. I can't respond to it currently but I truly thank you for it. Also thank you to my cousin Deanna for the comment too. If I can make it to Florida, I'll take you up on that offer.

Now for my update. I've been having heartburn and the nausea started today but who knows if these are pg symptoms or just the foods I'm eating. I guess we'll find out on Friday. I don't want to wait that long but I don't want to waste a test. I'm so damn anxious!

I Hate The People Who Make Viruses

So my new phone couldn't have come at a better time cuz our laptop is having a bit of a virus issue. It sucks though cuz I can't check myspace like I would like to cuz if anyone used any of those special characters, I can't load it cuz it won't recognize it. Blah. Oh well.

Let's See If It Works

Trying to post from my phone  

If I Ain't PG

Then I don't know what is wrong with me. I want cheese ALL THE TIME. I don't even really like cheese. I've had cheese and crackers everyday, and I couldn't get enough of the ricotta cheese in the stuffed shells I made. Hmmm. Maybe it's just my impendiing period but I want cheese damnit!

Ah, Technology

So I got my iPhone yesterday. It's awesome. I can pretty much do everything from this phone. Internet, e-mail, awesome texting (it's like an IM convo), maps, weather, iPod, iTunes store... The only thing it doesn't do is picture messaging. That makes me sad. Oh well, small price to pay for the awesomeness of this phone. Oh yeah, that and for some reason, myspace home page (and a few other myspace pages) won't load on there but all my other pages do. I can get my mail, my profile, and other people's profiles but not my home page. Weird.

I Got My Crosshairs!!!

How beautiful is that?! Now all I gotta do is keep my temps up for the next week or so and hope it's accompanied by a positive pregnancy test. Here comes another long week!

Another Positive

So just for the hell of it I took another OPK cuz I was having a tightness and swollen feeling in my uterus and ovaries and this is what I got. Are you kidding me? What is going on with my body. I know that you can use OPKs as pregnancy tests but they aren't very reliable. Not to mention I'm only 5DPO so implantation is highly unlikely. But in my research I did find that a few sites said that implantation can occur at 3DPO which I had a very big temp dip at. I don't have crosshairs yet but if I put in fake temps for the next two days I get solid crosshairs on CD15. (Here's my chart http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/19c4c9 ) I don't know what to think. I give up. I already had 3 positives! Why another one?

Super. *Updated*

So I just read on BZ that sometimes you can get a false reading on OPKs while you are on Clomid. Super. I hope that's not what happened. I'll be really upset. I swear I felt O pains on the 15th though. Who knows. I could have just built some follicles and just didn't release an egg. That would be super too. That would mean more cysts. Only this time they would be on both my ovaries.

All I ever wanted to do was be a mother and it is the one thing that is still out of my reach. I have a great house, a wonderful husband, we have plenty of money for us and for a baby, and yet, undeserving, ungrateful, horrible women get babies. Yeah, makes sense to me.

I ask you, "god"... Who thinks this is funny?

Update: I looked it up on Google and this is what I found...just a positive OPK is not a good enough indicator of ovulation. Especially when you are on Clomid you can get a false positive OPK, meaning that the test is positive but you did not actually ovulate. Starting a temperature curve will give you close to 100% reassurance what happened with your ovulation.

Once again, Super.

This Is Ridiculous *Updated*

I hate Fertility Friend. Ok I take that back. I hate my BODY. My OPKs clearly indicated I ovulated, but, my temps sure as hell aren't. http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/19c4c9 That's the link to my chart for anyone who reads this blog that charts as well. I know that the PCOS could be screwin up the OPKs but I never got a positive before. Not even with the 50mg of Clomid. Ugh, I don't even know what to think.

Update: Ok I put in some fake temps over the next 4 days and it gave me dotted crosshairs for the 15th which is when I am 99% positive I ovulated. I don't know yet what the dotted lines mean, but, I asked my girls on BZ and I am waiting on a response from them.

Ok So Now What?

Ok. Yesterday's OPK was positive. Or so I thought. Look at today's. I believe this is my real positive.

I Hate The Army

Yeah, so I got me a positive OPK, but no husband! He is stuck at work tonight cuz some asshole didn't tell them when they first found out, that they had to clean for some inspection. SO instead, they have to stay late tonight. Super.

Look What I Got!

THIS IS MY FIRST EVER POSITIVE OPK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now let's just hope my tubes aren't blocked or anything equally as bad that would keep fertilization from occuring!

WISH ME LUCK!!!

CD 12

And no positive OPK yet. I'm not too discouraged though. I still have til Saturday or Sunday at the absolute latest to get a positive OPK. I just hope this cycle is it. I really think that for a chick my age, 14 months is definitely long enough to try for a baby.

Hey CyberStalker

I SEE YOU!

Celebrity Morph by MyHeritage

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebs

Celebrity Morph by MyHeritage

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities

Roll Call

I think that's how you spell it. Oh well if it isn't. Anywho. I'm just trying to see who actually reads my blog. So if you read my blog on a regular basis, are one of my friends, or happen to just come across my blog, even if it's your first time here. Leave a hello in the comment to this post. Even if it's anonymously. Couldn't hurt, right?